I’m sitting here choosing to blog instead of do homework, and it’s probably a really dumb decision. But, my heart is heavy and confused, and I cannot focus on statistics homework when I have so many things running through my head. As I was waiting for some of my preschoolers to go to sleep and scrolling through Pinterest on my phone, I came across the most perfect verse for my life.
“When I wait, You strengthen my heart.” Psalm 27:14
This is a post that’s hard to write. It’s full of pain, full of uncertainty, and full of reminders from God. I’m not getting into full details of the background behind this post, but I have been basically hit over the head with the phrase “God can always heal and redeem.” As a counseling student and as a friend, I give this advice all the time. But let’s be real: we often don’t take our own advice. It’s the “do as I say, not as I do” mentality.
There’s a relationship in my life that needs healing. I’m not going into the details as it is not my place, but I can talk about all of the things surrounding it. I’ve brought this up with close friends and have let the tears flow on multiple occasions. I’ve been angry at God, angry at people, and angry at myself in the entire situation. So much of me wants to push it down and try and forget about it, and say that I’ve given up. But, God has a way of speaking to us in our moments of fear and desperation. For me it was this: Sarah, stop. Rely on me. Only I can redeem. Stop trying to do it your way, and let me work. Continue reading
This has without a doubt been one of the most difficult years of my life. Between moving, graduating, getting married, starting graduate school, work and an internship, I’m ready for rest. My classes have been emotionally draining from the content, and physically draining from the work load. I’m exhausted. I’m weary. I’m ready for rest. I’ve started working full-time for the summer, and have had a wonderful trip home to celebrate the marriage of my brother-in-law and my new sister-in-law! But I’m still drained. I’m still exhausted. And I’m still very weary. I believe this is in part from my lack of recharging during the semester, as well as not having the time to build relationships through quality time with others. It’s been hard enough trying to find time for my husband, just being real here. Its been difficult being away from family and close friends scattered now across the U.S., and hitting the one year anniversary of our move to Colorado made this even more real for me. How on earth have we been here a year already? But, time doesn’t slow down, no matter how much I wish it could at times. Continue reading
I didn’t realize that it has been MONTHS since my last blog posting. Seriously, how? I feel like I just wrote one, but apparently not. Obviously life has been busy. The holidays have come and gone. We went home to Phoenix for the first time since our move. My internship has started and is in full swing (I’m now a fully funded seminary student!). And now, I’m already in week four of my second semester in graduate school. It’s been nuts. So, why on earth did I decide to write a post today, especially when I have like 200 pages to read for a class that starts in 3 hours? Ecclesiastes 7:13-14. Continue reading
Many times in my life, I’ve felt that God was silent. It was hard for me to read Scripture, pray, and listen to Him, especially in the midst of what happens in day to day life. I found it even more difficult listening for His voice when the times were hard, and most times, I thought He was silent. I know we’ve all heard those cheesy quotes like “When God is silent, it’s cause He’s sad too”, or something like that, just to make ourselves feel better. Other times, we blame ourselves for not talking to Him enough, or not being completely open and honest with Him (good point here!). But, in the past six days, I’ve really felt him working on me. Continue reading
Life has been so fast, so emotional, and so busy up until now. It hasn’t given me much time to sit and process things, but I guess there is no better time like the present. School is going pretty fabulously, but it is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Seminary is hard. Emotionally hard. Physically hard. Intellectually hard. Spiritually hard. And yet, I love it more and more, every day. Continue reading
I can’t even begin to tell you how busy the past month has been, but I can tell you its been absolutely insane. I switched jobs, had a birthday, and flew to the east coast for the first time to visit my best friend. And let me tell you, it has been even more crazy how I’ve seen God working around me during that time.
By far the craziest thing that happened was switching jobs. For about a month and a half, I worked at a pie shop pretty close to home. It was work and it paid bills, but my heart was soon out of the job in the first few weeks. I kept doing things wrong and wouldn’t be taught how to do it right, so I was extremely frustrated and ready to get into something in my field. I randomly found a job posting for a preschool teaching position and applied on a whim, thinking nothing of it. Then, I get a call FOUR HOURS LATER asking me to interview the next day. And then they offered me a position, with a great pay increase working with itty bitty toddlers. And what’s even weirder, this preschool is connected to the church that Sawyer and I had visited a few times, but hadn’t felt like it was home. Continue reading
I’ve had to ask myself that question in the past month. Am I picky? Or am I impossible to please? I ask this in terms of finding a church, because I definitely know that I am a picky person (many of you will agree!). But sometimes I wonder, have I been to church so inconsistently in the past few years that I’ve forgotten that no church is perfect? In these thoughts, I decided to google “the perfect church”. I was astounded by what I found. Some Christian groups state that their church is “perfect” because they have the perfect, godly body of believers, or they worship for ten hours straight. In looking through this, I realized that I’m looking for a needle in a haystack; no church is going to be perfect. Continue reading
Let’s just say, it’s been a crazy past month. It’s nice to finally have time to breathe and enjoy the adventure of my new life with my hubby, especially before classes start in the fall. As great as starting out this new life is, a few things have weighed on my heart a little.
Starting out in a new city knowing maybe one other person is a little alienating. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that I get time with only my husband. It was something in Tucson we didn’t get a lot, mostly because we were in denial that we were leaving for Colorado and we were so busy with all of our friends. I’ve mostly been the one to feel the alienation; Sawyer has been working a TON, leaving me at home to play housewife. Granted, now that I have a part time job at a bakery, it’s better, but I still miss having some of my friends around. I’ve experienced a big move before, from Texas to Arizona, but it was different this time. Before, I didn’t care about leaving my life behind. I was tired of the fake friends and the bullying, and I couldn’t wait to leave. This time, I was leaving some of my closest friends behind, and moving further away than a 2.5 hour drive. Needless to say, it’s been hard there.
But, the bottom line is, I love Colorado. I’m so excited that we moved here. I’m so excited this is where we get to live. I’m even more excited to see what the future brings and how God will work through us in this new city and at Denver Seminary. Our adventure is waiting.